Postpartum…nothing can prepare you for it. You hear stories from friends, read blogs with tips on how to get through it, you stock up on depends and belly bands. I never thought much of the postpartum phase, the 4th trimester. I was so heavily focused on getting through my pregnancy and having Brady. Postpartum seemed like a distant and foreign concept.

Well, I’m here now, postpartum, and my experience has been both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Everyone’s journey with postpartum is different. We all experience various stages, after effects and healing. I simply want to share my 3-week postpartum journey with all of you today in the hopes that it helps you not feel alone or gives you a good laugh because we’re both wearing adult diapers…whatever it may be I hope you leave this post feeling uplifted! I will update this blog as things progress…

I’ll start off at the beginning. I was on a HIGH of all highs mentally the first two weeks. They say the first two weeks are the hardest but for some reason my first ten days or so were easy, mentally and emotionally speaking. I felt like Superwoman, I didn’t care about the sleepless nights, I wasn’t stressed or anxious, I was so excited to bring my beautiful baby home and care for him. I thought…Postpartum? Not so bad! Well, the high definitely wore off around day 10 and I CRASHED. I couldn’t stay awake, I was constantly frustrated if he was fussy and I just felt like I was doing everything wrong, especially at night. There were many tears, many emotions and hormones running through me. I’m still in the thick of it right now. I have my good moments (mornings) and bad moments (nights) which is totally normal! I’m simply letting myself feel whatever I’m feeling…

One thing I was fully not prepared for was the physical healing process. After birth I felt like my body got run over by a truck – numerous times! Even with having a fairly easy birth the after effect was brutal. I was SO swollen, SO uncomfortable and in constant pain. I had a 2nd degree tear and caring for that alone brought me to tears. I had a few days where sitting on the couch was impossible! I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t function. TMI but I would just sit on the toilet for hours with my peribottle, that was my only relief. Thankfully like most people said the painful healing process lasted exactly 2 weeks. I woke up at the 2 week 1 day mark with zero pain and a majority of my swelling had subsided.

Other than the emotional and physical rollercoaster of postpartum the exterior body changes alone are shocking. During my pregnancy I felt (for the most part) beautiful. The bump suit me and my body and I loved having that pregnancy glow. That all faded instantly and with the bump gone I was left with what I like to call a shell of a body. When I first looked at myself naked in the mirror I felt a rush of sadness. Who’s body was this? I didn’t recognize it. My body had doubled in width, my hips, my thighs, everything was just so, so wide. At the time I was also really swollen so that didn’t help but the initial shock of seeing your body completely different is a lot to handle! I’m super soft, super flabby but I know this is just temporary and I’m giving myself grace at this time.

Before I got pregnant I was the heaviest I had been, my weight was 128 when I’m usually 115 – 120lbs. I gained 42 lbs during my pregnancy and ended at 170lbs! After birth I lost roughly 15lbs and over the course of the last few weeks I’ve shed some weight naturally due to breastfeeding and eating right. Today I weigh 146lbs. I don’t care much for numbers on the scale but I just wanted to share to give a little perspective into my personal body change. It’s been hard dressing this new body but I’m trying my best and purchasing clothing I love to make myself feel good. It’s actually been working! I’ll be sharing my weight loss journey with you guys once my Dr. clears me to work out! I can’t wait for that.

Other than that life has been so satisfying. Brady has inspired me to the core, my content and work has never been better and for the first time in my life I really don’t care about the numbers! I’m just enjoying the process. Brady has also forced me into a schedule which I never had before. Having a daily rough schedule has helped streamline my work and helped me be productive in ways I never knew were possible. Even during postpartum recovery there is so much to be thankful for. Sure, it’s hard but great things come at a price. Nothing worth having ever came easy!

I love you guys, thanks for reading and I hope this first postpartum entry helps you feel not alone in this process! PS. currently wearing an adult diaper and leaking through my shirt writing this! Oh the joys of postpartum